TheBoy – Dad!! TheGirl is on the coffee table!
Me – Tell her to get down.
TheBoy – She said she’s going to jump
Me – Talk her down!!
TheBoy – Too late…
Let the good times roll…
“Señor Brandon, that was a PISS, POOR, PERFORMANCE!” I can still hear my high school Spanish teacher’s voice in my head telling me I was a TRIPLE-P for not properly using ustedes or nosotros in the proper form. Yes, it was a shot at my oversized ego, but for some reason I knew later in life I would be able to use her saying and expand on the term.
I have come to the conclusion as a parent and observing other parents, we are all TRIPLE-P’s or PISS, POOR, PARENTS. Allow me to explain (before I get a lot of SHIT for this) and give you my definition of PISS-POOR-PARENTING. Like most parents, I don’t have eyes on the back of my head. I allow my children to roam the pastures to explore – I let them be kids. Sometimes, if I get distracted with Facebook, Twitter, lunch making, cleaning, or anything where I don’t have a constant eye on TheKids, a loud boom or cry can be heard across the Great Plains of our house on a regular basis. After galloping up or down the stairs jumping over Legos, cars, and dolls to survey the lay of the land and question, “What the hell happened?” I realize I failed as a parent by not being there in the moment of the crisis. Therefore, I was a PISS-POOR-PARENT (PPP).
My wife and I have come accustomed to razzing, poking, and making fun of each other when it comes to the follies of our parenting. We are team and when either one of us screws up, we both screw up. We are not perfect; we screw up – WE ARE HUMAN. But, we learn from our mistakes (sometimes) and move on to the next chapter of parenting.
When TheWife would take the kids to the park, store, or anywhere for the matter, she would return home with a story. 99.99% of the time she would start out with, “So, (insert story of how TheGirl busted her lip, or how TheBoy fell from a 10-story building (exaggeration)). I would calmly listen to the story, chuckle, shake my head in disappointment, and tell her the events were PPP at it’s finest.
Until recently, I have had a clean track with zero PPP deductions and I was proud of my record. The other day I was cleaning the kitchen when TheBoy came running upstairs from the basement to tell me he was going to his room to play with his Legos (not that there aren’t enough on the other 3 floors of our home to play with). He ran to his room with a purpose and I continued to clean. As I was cleaning, I could hear TheBoy playing with his Legos and failed to remember TheGirl was downstairs in the basement still playing. It was eerily too quiet. TheGirl is a rambunctious 2-year old who is rarely silent. I made my way down the stairs and saw her playing with scissors. Needless to say, my walk turned into jumping every other step. With scissors in hand she tells me she’s pretty. I agreed she was pretty and took the scissors from her hands and noticed a pile of hair on the ground. As I’m looking at clumps of hair on the ground – I lost it. I didn’t lose my cool with my daughter, but I realized I was a PPP at it’s finest. My daughter was playing with scissors, she cut her hair, and I was too “busy” cleaning.
I immediately sent a e-mail to TheWife to let her know I was going to take TheGirl to get a haircut (it was that bad). When it comes to our daughters hair, TheWife has absolute power. Here is the e-mail:
SO…Today has been PPP day. We are off to get TheGirl a hair cut since she felt it necessary to cut hers (it’s bad). The sofa cushions are in the laundry with permanent marker marks on them. I need beer, lots of beer…
Am I a PISS, POOR, PARENT? Yes, but I’m also a great parent. We all live and learn. There is no trying to be a parents – Do or Do Not, There is No Try (Yoda). We all fail, but it is how we tackle the situation and teach our kids the right way, even when we have a PISS, POOR, PERFORMANCE.