Tag Archives: son

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You want to give Mom WHAT for Mother’s Day

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Funny Conversation…



TheBoy – Daddy, who’s your favorite Star Wars character?

Me – What kind of question is that? Han Solo of course!

TheBoy – Well, Han Solo isn’t cool until the snow movie.

Me – You mean the Empire Strikes Back and he was cool in all three movies.

TheBoy – But he was blind in the third one for a while.

Me – Is this conversation actually happening?

TheBoy – It is and I’m right, Bobba Fett is my favorite.


Me – He dies though!


TheBoy – I didn’t see him die! Did you see him die or get eaten?

Me – Is this conversation actually happening right now?

TheBoy – It’s ok Daddy, the Force will be with you…

Let the good times roll…

 As Mother’s Day is fast approaching I am lost as to what I should get TheWife.  I have asked both children what they would like to get Mom for Mother’s Day.  Here is the list I have compiled from each of them and reasons as to why I doubt we will get these really awesome gifts.

TheBoy –

  1. Lightsaber – I have a feeling if a Lightsaber is purchased, it will come back and bite me in the ass.  For some reason if TheWife and I get into an argument or disagreement I will end up like Darth Maul.
  2. Culver’s – Mommy is on a diet, I wouldn’t want to enable her and get her off track of her diet.
  3. iPad – she already has one.
  4. Hot Dogs – Uh, Mommy doesn’t want hot dogs.
  5. Shoes – Mommy already has enough shoes to supply a third world country
  6. Darth Vader – He would kick my ass and use the Force to choke me out.  Not a fair fight!!
  7. Han Solo – Are we talking about 1980’s Han Solo or 2013 Han Solo?
  8. Millenium Falcon – Dude, are you trying to break the bank?  We already have a Pilot.
  9. Christmas Presents – It’s May not December.
  10. 10.  I don’t’ know – I don’t know either.

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TheGirl –

  1. Goodwill – We are not buying Mommy a gift at Goodwill
  2. Bring the Action Daddy – The action will be attempted to be brought, but it is Mother’s Day…
  3. Cookies – Are you guys trying to sidetrack Mom from her diet?
  4. Baby – First off, get that out of your little brain.  There are enough babies in the house – including me.
  5. Flowers – Now we’re getting somewhere!
  6. Spiders – We were making headway with the flowers then you brought up the whole spider thing.
  7. Batman – Are you trying to replace Daddy with a billionaire with good looks and who fights crime?
  8. Easter Bunny – It’s May not April.  There are enough bunnies in the yard for Mommy to look at.
  9. Lightsaber – Again, do you guys not like Daddy?  I will get my ass sliced in half.
  10. 10.  I dunno – I dunno either.

How about this?  We allow Mommy to pretend that she is sleeping and we will pretend to be quite on Sunday.  I like all of your ideas and think they are really cool.  But, it seems as if you guys want Mom to stop dieting, freak her out, replace me, and want me hurt.

I think we will just get a card….

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Baseball has been very, very good to me…


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The one constant through all the years, Ray, has been baseball. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. It has been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again. But baseball has marked the time. – Terrance Mann, Field of Dreams

I don’t know if it’s the game of baseball I love, or the stories behind baseball that are more intriguing to me.  In the first week of the 2013 MLB season we were captured by an almost perfect game from Yu Darvish and witnesses to a 20-year-old phenom, Bryce Harper, have a multi-homerun game.  Stories like these are what get my baseball “blood” flowing.

As much as I love the stories, I love the memories I had growing up playing catch with my Dad and brothers.  Long toss in the yard, monkey in the middle, and the game of 500 were played on most summer evenings. Driving to games in a caravan of cars to arrive and leave as a team, the bonds that were shared amongst boys in a man’s game, the incredible catches, stolen bases, and a bases clearing double are what I remember and love of playing baseball.  They are fond memories; they are memories that will be embedded into my brain as much as the 2003 Chicago Cubs run at the World Series will.

As I embark on the “Baseball Dad” journey with my son a part of me wants to go back in time to relive the moments I had with my Dad while he showed me how to throw and catch a ball.  I never knew how difficult it would be to teach my 5-year-old son how to perform the basic fundamentals of the game.  We tend to pick up the ball off the ground more, than taking it out of the glove.  I have a vivid memory of playing catch with my dad for the first time and throwing the ball into the ground.  I can still hear my dad’s voice giving me pointers and tips on where to release the ball as my arm is coming forward.  The patience he displayed during the first few days of my training should be inducted into the, Dad Hall of Fame.  I wasn’t the best student; he was a great teacher who made me a better player.

As I play catch with my son, I try to remember the pointers and tips that were presented to me by my father.  We might pick up the ball off the grass more often than not, but it is the time spent with my son that is the most important part of the game.  How my son embraces the stories, the smells, and the love of the game will “mark the time” of our baseball journey.

LET’S GET SOME RUNS!!!

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Doing the Happy Dance!

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Funny Conversation…

 

Me – Cameron, Do you have to go to the bathroom?

Cameron – NO! I just like dancin’.

Me – So, you like doing the happy dance while playing on your leap pad?

Cameron – It’s not a happy dance…I’m not happy!

Me – Okay, then why are you dancing?


Cameron – I have to pee really bad and it hurts…

Let the good times roll…

The editor in chief recommended I change my format.  Let’s see if she is right?

Why do kids wait so long to use the bathroom?  Why is it kids wait until you passed the sign that reads, NEXT REST STOP 38 MILES?  I don’t get it and doubt I ever will, but who knows, when I’m 90 and wearing Depends he will probably ask me the same question.

I have now become “that” dad who asks every five minutes when we are on a long road trip, “do you have to go potty?”  I am sure he gets tired of the question as much as I get tired of asking the question.  It needs to be done though!  Cameron and I recently took a road-trip to northern Nebraska and we were on a hilly stretch of highway with nothing but farms, cows, and truck drivers around us.  Cameron was asleep and I was rocking out to some music.  I heard him rustling around and as he woke up, he informed me he wet himself.  I couldn’t get mad at him; it was my fault that I gave him water an hour before he fell asleep.  I should have known better and remembered his peanut sized bladder.  I told him he would have to wait a few minutes before we could stop.  A few minutes turned into to 10.  We were nowhere near a gas station, restaurant, or rest stop, so I decided to pull off to the side of the road.  There I was, on the side of the road with my naked son standing out in the cold helping him change into dry clothes as 10 semi-trucks roar past our car.  It was a sight to see.

What’s with the dancing?  If you have to go, then go.  Like most kids, Cameron waits until the last possible minute to use the bathroom.  Watching him run to the bathroom, and hearing the rocket of urine escape his body is something out of a bad comedy.  It’s even funnier when he tells me, “That was close.”

Both TheWife and I tell him he shouldn’t wait so long, but understand it’s hard to walk away from the epic dual between Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader that he has seen hundreds of times.

Regardless of the dancing, the accidents, and multiple stops on long car rides – it’s better than changing diapers or being peed on at the zoo (I’ll let you think about that one, I’m still traumatized by that experience).

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Bingeing on some Vedder, not Vader…

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Funny Conversation…

Me – Who is this?


Cameron – Eddie Vedder


Me – No, it’s Dave Mathews Band


Cameron – Oh…

Me – Who is this?


Cameron – Eddie Vedder

Me – No, this is Radiohead


Cameron – Oh…


Me – Who is this?


Cameron – I’m not going to say Eddie Vedder. I got that right didn’t I?

Let the good times roll…

There was a time in my life when I was introduced to a band and lead singer who would change how I would view, listen, and embrace the world.  The band was Pearl Jam and the singer/songwriter was Eddie Vedder.  I am not one of those crazy fans who have posters, tattoos of their album covers or lyrics engraved on my arm.  But, I relate to his music and recently LIFE happened and I was reluctant to have his lyrics and music to escape to.  I don’t have anything in common with Mr. Vedder with exception of living in San Diego and Chicago like he did and I ended up marrying a girl from Seattle.

Was this fate?  Is Pearl Jam my version of The Who?  Is Eddie Vedder my Bob Dylan?  I am able to connect to his songs and lyrics more now then I did when I was younger.  Long Road, Oceans, Even Flow, Alive, Indifference, Black, and Yellow Ledbetter all speak to me in ways I can’t begin to describe.  The lyrics are profound and are deep in meaning.  How does this relate to my blog?  Well, as I have written in the past, both Cameron and Parker love music, which I am thankful for.  I hope one day when LIFE gets in the way for my children they kind find peace and comfort in music.  It doesn’t have to be Pearl Jam or Eddie Vedder, but in the mean time, I’ll let them soak up as much of my influence as possible.

Long Road – Pearl Jam

I wished for so long…I can not stay

All the precious moments…Can not stay

Its not like wings have fallen…I can not say

Still something is missing…I can not say

When Cameron and I are in the car we play, “who is this”, of music.  I have conditioned him to say Eddie Vedder to every song that he hears.  I know, I’m bad, but I find it amusing when he gets it correct.

It was a bright sunny day and Cameron and I were headed back home from a day at the zoo.  Windows were down, the wind was in our hair, the music was blasting and we were replaying the day’s events in our conversation.  I had my iPod in hand and shuffling through my songs and asked Cameron, “Who is this?”  Without hesitation, Cameron replied, “Eddie Vedder.”  After listening for a few seconds of Dave Matthews, Grace is Gone, I informed him that is was not Eddie Vedder.  After the song was over and shuffling through a few more songs, I asked Cameron, “Who is this?”  Once again, without hesitation he blurted out, “Eddie Vedder!”  Again, with regret, I had to inform him that it was in fact Radiohead, Karma Police.  I started to shuffle through the songs again and noticed the frustration build in Cameron’s face.  I stopped on a song and hit play, and before I could even get the question out of my mouth, Cameron responded, “I’m not going to say Eddie Vedder.  I got that right didn’t I?”  Feeling bad, I decided to hit the skip button, because in fact it was Eddie Vedder’s, Hard Sun.

I had to let him win at least once…

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Fishing with the Kings

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Funny Conversation…



Cameron – Daddy, I’m the fisher king!

Me – What makes you the fisher king?

Cameron – I caught 12 fish and a foot long fish!

Me – That makes you an ichthyologist (look it up)


Cameron – Yeah, I’m that and a fisher king!

Let the good time roll… 

How many years does it take for something to become a “rite of passage”?  When does something that has little meaning at the time, have such a huge impact later in life?  For the past few days these are the questions that I have been asking myself.  Am I teaching my children the things that my father taught me, and the things his father taught him?  Do I accurately and correctly re-tell a story that was told to me by my grandfathers?  Am I teaching them the proper way, the way I was taught to tie a hook to a fishing line?  What was the secret I was taught on how to properly put a worm on a hook?  Do I tell my children talking doesn’t scare fish away?  Or, do I tell them talking does scare fish away?  Will they be able to digest the sights and sounds of their surroundings?  Will they breath in the fresh air and value how their time is being spent?  Will they place their hand in the cool water and bask in the day’s sunlight?  Will they listen to the sloshing of water under the metal boat and stare in the sky and wonder where the birds are headed?  I know only time will tell, but I have a feeling all will be perfect in the end.  My children are blessed by two guiding lights, which will be there for them when the path gets dim, and the light of day dissipates into night.

I can remember fishing in the ponds of Oklahoma with my Grandpa and Great-Grandpa.  I can remember fishing in the ponds of Missouri with my Dad and Grandpa.  I can remember fishing in the lakes of Wisconsin with my Brothers.  Fishing brings us together and will be a part of our family for generations to come.  Recently, my Dad took Cameron to Missouri to go fishing with my Grandpa (Cameron’s Great-Grandpa).  There is no better time to spend fishing, than fishing with Grandpa’s.  Every night we would get an excited phone call from Cameron telling us about his afternoon of catching fish.  During one conversation Cameron blurted out, “Daddy, I’m the Fisher King!”  I can only imagine which grandpa fed him that line?  I was happy he thought he was the Fisher King, but jealous at the same time and asked, ”What makes you the Fisher King?”  I was picturing him struggling to reel in a small perch and be so excited that he caught one fish.  I wasn’t prepared for the response of, “Because, I caught 12 fish and a foot long fish”.   One thing you have to understand about my family, we are HIGHLY competitive.  I don’t care if you’re 4 years or 99 years old, if you tell me you caught 12 fish and have evidence of your catch; I’m going to be pissed!  I was proud of my son, but felt it necessary to bring him back down from cloud 9 and told him, “That makes you an ichthyologist.”  For a few seconds there was silence and thought I was getting the last laugh on my 4-year old son when he replied, “Yeah, that and a FISHER KING!”  To do this day, I have never caught 12 fish in one day, and as usual, Cameron gets the last laugh.

This post is dedicated to both of my Grandfathers, two men I have always looked up to and admire.

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That’s how I rock Daddy!!

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Funny Conversation…

 

Cameron – We’re party rockin’ in the house tonight!!


Me – Why are party rockin’ in the house tonight?

Cameron – Because we’re shufflin’, shufflin’!

Me – How long are we going to be rocking in the house and shuffling for?

Cameron – Until the sun goes down and star come out!

Me – Where do you come up with this stuff? You’re going to be a good wingman!

Cameron – That’s how I rock Daddy!!! 



Let the good times roll…

One of the greatest gifts that you can give a child is the gift of music.  Or, culturing your child in different types of music so they can appreciate different genres.  Janel and I are polar opposites when it comes to music and our music collections.  She is more of pop, country, new era music.  I prefer hip-hop/rap, rock, alternative, classic-rock, and whatever has a good beat or acoustic sound.  Cameron is able to distinguish Eddie Vedder’s voice in a blink of an eye, sing a verse of Adele (Rumor has it, Rumor has it), dance to Single Ladies, and jam to LMFAO.  I remember when music was a major topic of discussion and how certain types of music would pollute the mind.  I disagree and believe music opens up different avenues for creativity and communication.

Cameron loves music and I am thankful he has an ear for a variety of music.  As of late he finds it humorous to respond to questions in a form of a lyric, or make an off the wall comment that makes you go…HUH?  One afternoon Cameron and I were playing in the basement and he started to CRUNK and stated, “We’re party rockin’ in the house tonight!!!” Curious as to why he was quoting LMFAO I asked, “Why are we party rocking in the house tonight?”  It was noon and there was definitely no rocking going on as we were playing the Curious George matching game.  As he flipped over a mismatched card he responded, “Because we’re shufflin’, shufflin’!!”  At this point he had me sucked into the conversation and questioned, “How long are we going to be rocking in the house and shuffling for?”  Without hesitation, a blink of an eye, or with little thought, Cameron retorted, “Until the sun goes down and stars come out?”  Cameron threw me for a loop by quoting The Wanted and amazed me by being able to understand my question and use the quote in the correct connotation.  My son is amazing!!  I was curious to know where he learned all this and asked, “Where do you come with this stuff?”  After flipping over another mismatched card and deciding how he was going to respond, he looked at me, shrugged his soldiers and replied, “That’s how I rock Daddy.”  I look forward to the day we can roll down the street smoke endo while sippin’ on gin and juice. (That’s a Snoop Dog lyric, don’t freak out) 

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You have no balls!!

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Funny Conversation…

 

Me – Cameron, you have to dodge the balls

Cameron – Daddy, you have no balls


Janel Klinetobe :: laughs in the background ::

Me – I know, mine disappeared 8 years ago!

Cameron – Balls disappear?

Me – Yep, they sure do!



Let the good times roll…

Cameron is getting to the age where sports and activities are taking control of our lives, or about to take control of our lives (I embellished on the first part of the sentence).  He has participated in a sports class and is now in gymnastics.  He looks forward to Saturday’s at the rec center to work on his gymnastics skills and in my opinion he is quite good and we will see how far it takes him, or how quickly he loses interest.  I am a firm believer in organized sports and activities for the bond it creates not only between other children but also as parents.  It is fun watching him run around on the mat doing summersaults, jumping on the trampoline and giving me the thumbs up if he doing well or a thumbs down if he thinks he can do better.  It reminds me of the bond that I had with my father when he would throw pop-ups to me at a local park, or shoot hoops out on the driveway.  Life is more than TV, movies, and video games and I hope Cameron appreciates the activities we sign him up.  I personally look forward to the day when we will be schlepping baseball bags, football gear, and possibly hockey sticks around to get to the next game.

We recently signed Cameron up for a sports class, which taught kids to play soccer, baseball, basketball, football, and dodge ball.  I didn’t realize dodge ball was a sport until my brothers reminded me it is played on ESPN OCHO.  The night or days before the class Janel and I would teach Cameron some of the basic concepts of each sport so he would have a better understanding of the game he was going to learn.  The night before the dodge ball class we went to the basement and stated the rules and decided to have a dodge ball tournament.  Yes, I chucked balls at my son!!  Cameron didn’t understand the concept you have to duck, dodge, dive, dip, and dodge from the balls that are coming at you at a high rate of speed.  I kept telling Cameron, “ You have to dodge the balls.”  Cameron from the other side of the room decided to hit me below the belt and replied, “Daddy, you have no balls.”  You would think that Cameron told the most amazing joke of all time because my wonderful wife couldn’t stop laughing hysterically and had to leave the room to regain her composure.  In order to regain the little dignity that I had left explained, “My balls disappeared 8 years ago.”  I knew Cameron was clueless in the context I was speaking of and asked, “Balls disappear?”  As Janel walked back down the stairs and I looked at her and responded, “Yep, they sure do!” and proceeded to launch every hard object at my wonderful wife.

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From Thor to The Hulk to a Princess?

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Funny Conversation…



Cameron – I’m Iron Man

Me – Then who am I?

Cameron – I don’t know?

Me – Am I Thor?


Cameron – NO!

Me – Am I The Hulk?


Cameron – No way! You’re not green! I think you’re a princess.

Me – Why am I princess?

Cameron – Because you look like a princess.

 Let the good times roll…

One of the greatest gifts that both Cameron and Parker have been blessed with is an imagination.  What is even better, they allow me to join them on their pretend adventures, tea party’s, and hero journeys.  We could be protecting a beautiful princess from the big, scary dragon or waging war with the sinister Sith Lords in a far off galaxy.  They have allowed me to be a kid again and take part in their imaginative world, which I appreciate and love taking part in.  A few days ago, Parker walked into the kitchen and came out wearing a pot on her head and handed me colander to wear on my head as well.  I’m assuming they were crowns because she called me Cinderella as we sat at a table and drank milk and ate cookies.  I’m looking forward to the day she attempts to put a boa around my neck and tries to put make-up on me.  Our basement is usually the far off place that we go and pretend to be – kids.  Part of me hopes that they will never lose their imagination and continue to dream being a prince, princess, Jedi Knights, and Generals in the Elmo Army.  I also hope they continue to allow me to be a part their world of imagination where the good guy always wins.

For Cameron’s birthday we had an Avenger’s themed party and Cameron was spoiled with Iron Man, Thor, Captain America, and Night Hawk toys.  After the party we were overwhelmed with Thor’s Hammer, Captain America’s Shield, and Iron Man’s Arc Reactor Heart.  He came up from the basement wearing his Arc Reactor Heart proclaiming, “I’m Iron Man!”  As I’m holding the Hammer of Mjölnir (Thor’s Hammer) I asked, “Then who am I?”  Seeming to not want to play the guessing game, he told me, “I don’t know?”  Raising the Hammer over my head calling upon the God’s I asked again, “Am I Thor?”  Cameron quickly replied emphatically, “NO!”  I immediately dropped the Hammer in disappointment and questioned, “Am I The Hulk?”  As I was asking the question I was attempting to rip my shirt, and flexing to pop a few veins when Cameron responded, “No way, you’re not green!  I think you’re a princess.”  At this point, I am completely deflated and not wanting to play any more asked why I was a princess.  As cold and heartless as a 4 year old can be told me, “Because you look like a princess.”  Enough said, I’m not playing anymore – Carry on.

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That’s Not Funny!

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Me – How was school today?


Cameron – It was good. Everyone liked my cupcakes

Me – That’s good.

Cameron – Are you still broke? My tummy wants Jimmy Johns.


Me – I’m broke as a joke today buddy.

Cameron – That’s not a funny joke…

Let the good times roll…

 Being a parent is a tough job.  I don’t think you ever realize what you are getting yourself into until you have kids.  I would like to say my children are the most unique and special out of all the children in the world, but with Facebook and the Internet I know each child is different and every parenting experience is different.  I think if our children were equipped with a training manual, life would be boring and we wouldn’t have all these wonderful stories to share. I have come to realize that each day brings a different experience.  It is how we learn from these experiences to make not only ourselves better but our children as well.  I love reading about my old high school classmates and Navy friends and how they have attacked the parenting world; we are all in this together guiding our future.  The devotion, time, blood, sweat, tears, love, time, and more time makes it all worth it in the end.  If it were not my kids, my life would be boring.  I love being a parent!!

I’m thinking about sending Cameron to an addiction counselor…He’s officially addicted to Jimmy Johns!!  Maybe I should send Janel first, she seems that have helped with the Jimmy Johns addiction.  As mentioned before in a previous post, I pick Cameron up from pre-school at lunchtime and he either wants something to eat as soon as we get in the car or has to use the bathroom, urgently.  Our conversations usually start off with me asking, “How was school?”  On this particular day, it was Cameron’s special day to bring snacks for his class and he replied, “It was good.  Everyone liked my cupcakes.”  To answer your question that you are thinking – no, I did not bake cupcakes, Janel did.  Cameron proceeded to tell me about everything that he learned that day and who farted in class (that’s how we roll).  He then goes on to ask me, “Dad, are you still broke?  My tummy wants Jimmy Johns.”  Not wanting to go to Jimmy Johns or anywhere except home at this point I did the best thing and stated the truth, “I’m broke as a joke today buddy.”  It seems as if I fill Cameron with disappointment on a regular bases because he replied in a pouty voice, “That’s not a funny joke!”  Man, I love my kids and being a parent.

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To Whom It May Concern: Volume III

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To Whom It May Concern,

Thank you for giving me a daughter, who feels that it is necessary to throw her plate of food on the ground, throw the food that is left over from the plate that was thrown on the floor to the dog.  Thank you for giving me a daughter who refuses to properly drink out of a Sippy cup and who finds it entertaining to allow water/milk to seep out of the cup and “paint” a picture on the table or carpet.  Also, thank you for giving me a daughter who loves getting into things that I never knew or forgot that we had and for destroying the things that I never knew or forgot that we had.  Thank you for giving me a daughter who throws her entire body backward in attempt to have a temper tantrum but instead allowing her to hurt her head in the process.  Thank you for giving me the greatest daughter a father could ask for…

Respectfully,

B.

P.S. – Instead of a drink, I’m going to gorge myself with food.

I am blessed to have two wonderful children that have learned to love and entertain each other.  This past week my Dad (Grandpa) took Cameron to visit his Great-Grandparents in Missouri.  It was nice for Janel and I to share alone time with Parker and give her a little more one on one time.  I took Parker to the Field Museum, she helped me with homework, we watched the entire Star Wars Saga, and we ate out of the cereal box every morning.  It was fun to watch her as she entertained herself with her dolls and how she commanded the dog to get off the couch when she wanted to get up and snuggle with Daddy.  When Cameron and my Dad returned, Cameron didn’t jump into my arms, he headed straight towards Parker and told her how much he missed her and proceeded to tell her about the fun adventures that he had with grandpa.  Which included all the milk gravy that he ate, the fish he caught, and the tractor that he drove.  Even though Parker didn’t understand half what Cameron said, she held him tight and said she loved him.  It’s these types of moments as parents that I cherish and makes me realize that I may actually be doing a good job.  As a wise man once told me, “we are nothing without family. – D.Y.O”